I know it's been forever and I Do feel bad that it takes me soooo long to update and my last update wasn't exactly long. I also know I said I'd try and make my blog all about film, and this post isn't related to film, but I feel like it needs to be said.
Anyone who knows me knows I have Daddy issues, it's not that hard to realize, and yeah, I know it's so cliche to blog about it, but hell if a blog isn't for me posting what's on my mind, what's it for? Me pretending to be so superior to people I don't know and talking shit about celebrities? No, that's falling under the cliche category for me. Okay, anyways, Daddy issues. So, the last time I talked to my dad was before father's day... Know what I'm going to have to go back a leeeeetle further then that. A few years ago my dad moved back to Ventura with his girlfriend and her two kids, he then asked if he could see me, if I would start spending weekends out there with them, and my mom agreed that I could spend my court ordered weekends there. Every other weekend and Wednesdays. That Wednesday thing happened like... Twice. After awhile things started to feel normal, I started to feel like I had a dad again, sure I was reserved, I didn't want to get hurt, but, this was my dad, and he seemed like he was making an effort, right? Well, after awhile they found a bigger place in Ventura, over on the East side of Ventura, so we moved into that place, I was still a couch dweller but that was no big deal, I could handle sleeping on the couch. I spent Easter morning there and was given an easter basket, an awesome Beatles picture and a cute stuffed monkey that I promptly named 'Easter Monkee'. Things seemed great, Dad or his girlfriend would help me get hours with my driving since I had just gotten my permit, I was seeing my brother more... Then It happened. I got there one Friday ready for a nice weekend, when the first thing I noticed was a huge pile of boxes in the kitchen. A huge pile of boxes that went unmentioned for hours while my dad got ready for work. Finally I couldn't help but address the elephant in the room. They were moving back to Vegas. Not only were they moving back to Vegas but he couldn't understand why I was so upset about that. Things were finally starting to look up, we were getting along and I was dropping that wall I had built for that very reason. Life wasn't fair! Ever since then it was limited contact with him. When I finally got a car he agreed to pay my insurance and then, like child support, when he decided he didn't have the money, he stopped paying without me knowing my mom started to pick up the insurance tab. I don't think she was surprised. Conversations between us (my father and myself) were rarer and rarer and not only that, they were... Forced. I felt like I had to force myself to say something, we had so little to say to each other. Sunday my dad is getting married, and what are my plans for the big day? I'm planning on sleeping. Saturday night at the New Beverly is the 12 hour horror marathon and I'm not missing that for the world. I tried calling him for father's day only to get his voicemail, I left him a message that would never be returned. To be honest, I don't know if he's still getting married on 10/10/10 like they planned, and to be even more honest, these days I don't care. If he doesn't have the time to stop and take five minutes to call me, why should I drive myself crazy about whatever it is he's doing with his life? his dad was an alcoholic and wasn't really there for him. One would hope that he would have learned from that and tried to be the dad his wasn't, but that would be too romantic, this is the real world after all, and the real world is full of depression and disappointment, two things emotions I'm sorry to say I've felt waaaay too much when it comes to my dad. Therefor from this moment on, if he's not ready to make an effort, then I'm not either. He can have his perfect little replacement life in Vegas with his new house, new family and new life and I'm going to go on pretending he doesn't exist. And that's just one story.
I know it's obvious I still think about my dad as much as I try not to. Sometimes I wish I could tell him everything I've neglected to tell him, and sometimes I think it's better this way. I don't think either of those answers will ever be the right, somethings should be said and other should not but until the effort is put forth by him, I'm not saying anything. I'm tired of trying to make everything work and I'm tired of always being disappointed by him. So until then, I'm not going to post about my dad anymore. Unless it's something among the lines of "He showed me this movie once".
Wednesday, October 6, 2010
Monday, August 9, 2010
My Dad
Looking back on my childhood my father was a huge inspiration for the films that would later be the types of films I live off of. The only problem with that is the fact that he would show me said movies a long time before I should have watched them. Tonight my revelation and reasoning behind me writing this post was because of the movie Four Rooms. People are often surprised when I tell them I've never seen it, even though I'm such a big fan of Quentin Tarantino's. I suppose now after realizing I must have been nine or ten when I saw it.
Until tonight I couldn't remember why this scene of two children, a very large needle and a dead hooker shoved into the box spring of a bed was something that I would remember from time to time. That or the finger scene. I suppose I can honestly say I saw my first Quentin Tarantino film when I was younger then thirteen now.
I love my dad, don't get me wrong, but there are a few things he could have done differently, and obviously, letting an eight/nine year old child watch a film like Four rooms was one of them.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yeNrqBjbFJs
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zBRHTU8BEH8
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PdaKRwe_scE
Until tonight I couldn't remember why this scene of two children, a very large needle and a dead hooker shoved into the box spring of a bed was something that I would remember from time to time. That or the finger scene. I suppose I can honestly say I saw my first Quentin Tarantino film when I was younger then thirteen now.
I love my dad, don't get me wrong, but there are a few things he could have done differently, and obviously, letting an eight/nine year old child watch a film like Four rooms was one of them.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yeNrqBjbFJs
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zBRHTU8BEH8
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PdaKRwe_scE
Sunday, May 16, 2010
Movies
For as long as I've remembered I've loved movies. I was eight when I saw my first Star Wars movie (Episode four, also known as A New Hope), I was at my usual weekend visit with my dad and my younger brother and I were playing outside when for whatever reason I decided to go inside. I walked in just after Luke first meets Ben so I stopped and started to watch. I was hooked the moment I saw the light saber. My brother and I used to play star wars while beating the crap out of each other with sticks (which wasn't exactly fair if I think about it now, I do have a few years on him) but at the time it was perfectly fine.
Over the years movies have become like a comfort to me. If I'm pissed off I'll watch a slasher film, if I'm sad I'll... Well, to be honest I'll probably watch a slasher- or a Tarantino film, give it a little variety. Watching Mr. Pink dispute tipping or Freddy Krueger ripping through the sleeping children of Elm St. usually makes me feel a little better about how life is going for me- call me sick, call me whatever you want, I just think of it as I could be that waitress, or I could be that teenager on Elm St., but lucky for me, I'm not. If I'm in a good mood, I'll watch a western (Anything with Clint Eastwood, though I've become a recent fan of Lee Van Cleef) or something by John Waters.
One of- Well, okay two of his classic films hold the number four spot in my top five movies of all time. Two holding one spot only because I don't know if I prefer Pink Flamingos or Female Trouble, both are great films. Pink Flamingos being one of the first sexually explicit films I've seen I watched when I was seventeen to the dismay of my step dad who tried every excuse in the book to not let me watch it, but when my mom just shrugged and said "She's seventeen, it's an NC-17 film, we can't stop her" the DVD was on and playing no less then five minutes later in my room. I had never seen anything like it before. Sure, I had seen John Waters films, Hairspray and Cry Baby, campy and a little more mainstream for my taste, but still great films. Female Trouble I watched online a few weeks after seeing Pink Flamingos.
One of my favorite genres of film is Zombie films. I love zombie films. I can't remember what my first zombie film was, probably the 1978 Dawn of the Dead because I have vague memories of watching that with my father as well, but who knows. The first time I really remember watching one was with my younger step brother, then he introduced me to the 2004 remake. Since then I've been stuck on Zombie films like no other, even earning me one in my Christmas stocking one year (White Zombie, one of my favorite scenes, a character is being thrown into water by some zombies and as they let go the actor covers his nose).
More recently I've become a fan of exploitation films, getting my true Exploitation education from a co-worker and good friend of mine, I try to familiarize myself with as much of the good exploitation as I can. Some of you may say that's an oxymoron, but I assure you, there is a difference.
I've always loved classics, two of my favorite films growing up were Shirley Temple films, the 1937 Heidi and her next film, the 1938 Rebecca of Sonnybrook Farm. I don't know what happened to those tapes, I probably wore them out, I'd love to find them on DVD someday but I have no idea if they're in print. Another movie I loved around the same time was Bed Knobs and Broomsticks staring Angela Lansbury, which I know came out some years after both Shirley Temple films posted, but it was another film I probably wore the VHS out on. I loved the idea of a flying bed, the songs were great and the cartoons along with people were pretty awesome too. It's a film that even now watching it (On youtube) I can sing along to the words and still laugh like I did when I was a kid.
Nowadays I spend most of my free time at a revival house and pay my way into any double- and sometimes triple- feature I can. I used to consider myself a movie geek, but having met some of those over the past few months I prefer to call myself a 'Geek in training'. These days I watch anything, I love expanding my film knowledge and I love hearing other people's thoughts on film. I guess that's why I named this blog 'Thoughts in 35mm'. Hopefully I'll be able to keep up with this blog as much as I keep up with watching movies.
Over the years movies have become like a comfort to me. If I'm pissed off I'll watch a slasher film, if I'm sad I'll... Well, to be honest I'll probably watch a slasher- or a Tarantino film, give it a little variety. Watching Mr. Pink dispute tipping or Freddy Krueger ripping through the sleeping children of Elm St. usually makes me feel a little better about how life is going for me- call me sick, call me whatever you want, I just think of it as I could be that waitress, or I could be that teenager on Elm St., but lucky for me, I'm not. If I'm in a good mood, I'll watch a western (Anything with Clint Eastwood, though I've become a recent fan of Lee Van Cleef) or something by John Waters.
One of- Well, okay two of his classic films hold the number four spot in my top five movies of all time. Two holding one spot only because I don't know if I prefer Pink Flamingos or Female Trouble, both are great films. Pink Flamingos being one of the first sexually explicit films I've seen I watched when I was seventeen to the dismay of my step dad who tried every excuse in the book to not let me watch it, but when my mom just shrugged and said "She's seventeen, it's an NC-17 film, we can't stop her" the DVD was on and playing no less then five minutes later in my room. I had never seen anything like it before. Sure, I had seen John Waters films, Hairspray and Cry Baby, campy and a little more mainstream for my taste, but still great films. Female Trouble I watched online a few weeks after seeing Pink Flamingos.
One of my favorite genres of film is Zombie films. I love zombie films. I can't remember what my first zombie film was, probably the 1978 Dawn of the Dead because I have vague memories of watching that with my father as well, but who knows. The first time I really remember watching one was with my younger step brother, then he introduced me to the 2004 remake. Since then I've been stuck on Zombie films like no other, even earning me one in my Christmas stocking one year (White Zombie, one of my favorite scenes, a character is being thrown into water by some zombies and as they let go the actor covers his nose).
More recently I've become a fan of exploitation films, getting my true Exploitation education from a co-worker and good friend of mine, I try to familiarize myself with as much of the good exploitation as I can. Some of you may say that's an oxymoron, but I assure you, there is a difference.
I've always loved classics, two of my favorite films growing up were Shirley Temple films, the 1937 Heidi and her next film, the 1938 Rebecca of Sonnybrook Farm. I don't know what happened to those tapes, I probably wore them out, I'd love to find them on DVD someday but I have no idea if they're in print. Another movie I loved around the same time was Bed Knobs and Broomsticks staring Angela Lansbury, which I know came out some years after both Shirley Temple films posted, but it was another film I probably wore the VHS out on. I loved the idea of a flying bed, the songs were great and the cartoons along with people were pretty awesome too. It's a film that even now watching it (On youtube) I can sing along to the words and still laugh like I did when I was a kid.
Nowadays I spend most of my free time at a revival house and pay my way into any double- and sometimes triple- feature I can. I used to consider myself a movie geek, but having met some of those over the past few months I prefer to call myself a 'Geek in training'. These days I watch anything, I love expanding my film knowledge and I love hearing other people's thoughts on film. I guess that's why I named this blog 'Thoughts in 35mm'. Hopefully I'll be able to keep up with this blog as much as I keep up with watching movies.
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